10 Things You Should Never Say To Your Boyfriend

We don't take lies and I will be stating down 10 things you should never say to us.

These are the pains we hide from you.

1) "My ex did the exact same thing!"

Na wetin?!! This is really bad. No guy wants to hear that he has any semblance with your goddamn ex. If he is exactly like your ex, you should have stuck to your ex na, moreover, it brings his self esteem down by a notch. Next time you see a deja vu, please keep it to yourself. Your boyfriend might bail out on you.

2) "Helen's pregnant ... Shhhh"

Women do this a lot. They take our listening attitude for gossip. You go ahead to tell your boyfriend about the most intimate secret of your friend. My dear, you are not being sociable, you are being ameboable. Please, keep the issue of your friend being pregnant, having gono-cacus, yeast infection etc, out of reach of our ears. If we spill the beans (which we don't do anyway), your friend will be mad at you, not us.

3) "When we're married/have kids..."

What are you thinking? The moment a girl starts telling me how she wants to have kids for me, I take up my shoe, dust it and escape for my life. You should never mention this to your boyfriend. Even if the guy have all it takes to make you happy forever, just keep that thought to yourself. Have you noticed this, for the married ladies. The day you told your husband you are pregnant. What was his reaction? Shock abi? Well, men tend to dey little humans quickly before realizing they are married to you.

4) "Do You Think She's Pretty?"

This question is a double edged sword. If you ask me, well, I know I can't win. If your boyfriend answers the question with "yes", you get jealous and takes him for a flirt. If he says "NO", and she is clearly beautiful, you call him a liar. And finally when he manages to convince you that he doesn't find her attractive at all, you go to bed thinking of his bad tastes about you. My dear, stop asking questions like that, you will only get hurt by the answers.

5) "I'm fine" or "Never mind"

You know na, e no go complete without including this one. You are silent for the past one hour, snapped at the chair after hitting your leg to it and then you answer "I'm fine." This answer is really not right. Your boyfriend begins to have an inner battle with himself, maybe he had done something or said something out of context that you are not telling him. Well, the moment you think you are okay, your passive-aggression has subsided could be the time his own is just starting. Watch it!!!

6) "I just let one go"

We know you use the bathroom for other things like shyte, fart et al but we still want to believe that you only go there to apply make-up, lipstick and to pee. Do not come out telling us how strong your shyte is or how your fart nearly choked you. We might find it funny and even laugh at it but you begin to lose your sexiness with us. Now we cannot blame the dog anymore, any smell we hear automatically points to you as the culprit.

7) "I'll try anything once!"

You know na. That BJ and other fantasies. If you don't/can't do it, do not raise our hopes high. Haba

8-) "Are you sure you're okay?"

You know this situation. Your boyfriend is unusually quiet, you begin to bug him with "honey, are you okay?" over and over again. You ask him this like 1 million times and each time his answers doesn't satisfy you, you still re-ask the same question. Let me sound this clear. We are humans, we have our bad day too, we could be tired or not in the mood to talk. Please and please, allow us snap out of it. You don't have to wait for us to scream at you and tell you to stop disturbing us.

9) "I hate my thighs"

You are your own worst critic, please don't recruit us. If we are not attracted to you in the first place, we would never have approached you. Forget about some men chasing anything that wear skirt, they too have what attracts them to those walking baboons. Men like women with self confidence and not the other way round so please, stop dissing your self in our presence. It makes us notice the flaws which we did not see before. We could be put off you know.

10) "I hate your mom"

Okay, this sounds oyinbo. I will bring it down to Naija levels. If you don't like your man's friend, dog or mother, then be diplomatic. You don't have to like everything in your man's life but you really need to trust his judgment. Sha, the day you say you hate my mother, that day you will learn what violence really entails and uhm, your ghana-must-go finds its way outside my house. Men, shun violence sha.