Obasanjo As Man Of The Year, By Ose Oyamendan-Eimakhu

I was going to nominate myself for man of the year because, well, I can and as our leaders show us every minute of the day, when you can do something, you do it – it doesn’t matter if its right or wrong.

Then I made a mistake of being outside the country because that’s where you get a conscience and get reminded that you’ve gone AWOL for weeks! I discovered Nigeria’s newest saint and realized he was my man of the year all along. It took a misguided, blinded letter from his daughter to make me see the light that had been in my face all along.

How dare Iyabo write that her venerable father, General Olusegun Obasanjo is not the owner of Nigeria and God’s gift to Nigeria? It shows how estranged she is from her father. If Iyabo had been close to her father, she would have seen the huge certificate on his bedroom wall that screams, “Olusegun Aremu Matthew Obasanjo, eternal ruler of Nigeria and God’s emissary to Nigeria”.

That’s the only way you explain a man who came within inches of death to rule Nigeria for eight years, sought another four that was inconveniently unconstitutional, and when he was foiled, gave Nigeria a political middle finger. Funny that that middle finger also spawned an ungrateful political son in Goodluck Jonathan, a fact the eternal leader reminded him of in his latest love letter.

I have no clue what the presidency or anybody in his or her right mind is whining about in that letter. Was Obasanjo wrong in saying without him Jonathan’s good luck would have been confined to teaching animals how to swim in the creeks? Is it right for a father to ask that his son pay homage to him every morning because he is the reason for his existence? And why are some of Jonathan’s apologists and Jonathan himself in his incredulous letter pointing out the fact that Obasanjo left a bigger rot when the country forced him out of Aso Rock.

It’s been seven years! Move on. It’s like a man still longing after a girlfriend that left him seven years ago! And, if anyone thinks that brilliant parable means Obasanjo is still longing after Aso Villa, I will sue him or her! If anyone needs to advise anyone, it should be Jonathan they should be advising. If Jonathan has to be bold in replying the esteemed General why not call a spade a spade. In my part of the ghetto where truth is supreme, we call a rumor what it is – a lie!

Because of his tribulations and the general lack of grace of this class of politicians led by Jonathan, I am imposing Obasanjo as the man of the year, just like he tactically imposed men like Jonathan governors not long ago. If we were not in the early parts of a century, I would have named him the man of the century.

Sometimes, you wonder what kind of drugs the members of the Nobel Peace prize committee are on. I mean, here is a man whose credentials scream Nobel, who would love it more than anything, even if to spite his kinsman Wole Soyinka who holds one merely for being smart. You wanna know a man of the year, a man of peace and the sole proprietor of a country, you listen to this quote and scream OBJ. “We’re resolved and determined to rescue Nigeria… we want you to be our navigator”.

This is from Nigeria’s leader of opposition, Asiwaju Bola Tinubu, the same man who once would rather wish cancer on a foe rather than wish Obasanjo on him or her because, in truth, at the height of his power, Obasanjo was more potent than any disaster known to man. Here is the same Tinubu wishing what he never wished on his enemy on the Nigeria he loves. You wonder why people pity Nigeria and wonder if our dear country would ever every shake off the disaster called her leadership? And, you also wonder if Abacha was alive today, would Tinubu be calling him “the Nigerian savior”?But then that would be a disservice to any logical thought process.

It just goes to show how putrid the waters of Nigerian politics is at the moment. Or, if you want to be logical, it shows how bad the Nobel peace prize is missing the plot. Or, how God uses Obasanjo to unravel the fraud in Nigerian political leadership. While politicians all over the world line up on the basis of ideology, Nigerian politicians line up on the basis of greed and trumped-up enmity. And all this leads me to crowning Obasanjo as the man of the year. I wouldn’t have thought of it at the beginning of the year.

But, who is there to pick? Jonathan? The man misses his own speeches! Buhari? Someone’s gotta tell the man sometimes, some men drown themselves in ridicule or how do you explain his embrace of the man who “stole” the 419 election from him and who he so despised he stayed away from his council of state meetings. Tinubu? His new best friend trumps him. Tambuwal? Which house is the prize gonna be delivered at? Bamanga Tukur? Dude can’t even win man of Adamawa PDP! The Nigerian people? They need a miracle! All hail Obasanjo, the great navigator and my man of the year!
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